It was a Saturday, Jeremy rolled over and hugged me. “I am really looking forward to having a baby with you.” He smiled. Clearly the recent news had had the chance to sink in. I freaked out in as passive-a-manner as I could conjure. My brain was throwing thoughts in response: ‘more children’, ‘nappies’, ‘new car’, ‘money needed’, ‘sleep deprivation’, ‘breast feeding’, ‘life on hold’….the list went on and on.
Jeremy piped into the thoughts, “Hey!”
“Yep, I am not quite there yet. Maybe Dave will be able to give some perspective that I can’t see.”
You see, I am a planner. I like to have a plan.
I understand that plans can change and I will always willingly adapt but this one took processing before plans I had in my head could be adapting because this is a big change to the plans I saw for myself, my marriage and my family. Oh well!
Sunday rolled around we made time to meet with Dave, the Pastor who married us and who had the opportunity to get to know us and our commitment to each other well over the months. We discussed some other issues and Dave established through the other challenges in our life that we had naturally pulled together in response. No division. Jeremy asked if he should say something. I nodded. Jeremy explained to Dave that we needed a bigger car, that my van only seated eight and that logistically we were going to have to find something larger. He nodded, “Yes, to fit all nine of you.”
Jeremy corrected him, “No, to fit ten.”
I have to say it took Dave a while to process what we said with a few utterances of disbelief at what we might be saying. And, as we unpacked the details of our expected arrival we managed to bring Dave to tears again. He had confident thoughts on the positive impact that this would have on our children, a unifying factor, that we truly are ‘one family’ no matter who might seek to undermine this. He brought encouragement of the God’s timing in this, how God has blessed me with ‘capacity’ (not an attribute that I ever desired) and to how much our approach to each other purposed us to be amazing parents to all our children.
After Dave shared his thoughts, I felt, that for the first time in a couple of weeks that I could breathe again. This felt right. I was acknowledging that this was real and that that was okay. Yay! We are actually having a baby! It was amazing and a blessing that neither of had planned.
I was at the right place. I could adapt to my new and changing circumstances.
I guess this was my point of acceptance, or at least I thought…
Next on this theme: ‘Mum Moments Week 8 – Finding Rest Revisited‘
Missed this series up until now? Read from the start with “Out of Control“.