Let me preposition this blog post, to say that what I have written here today is deeply hinged in my belief system. I understand that your belief system may not reflect mine. So, as my audience, I ask the same respect for my belief system that I would afford you, my individual reader. Each of us has own own ways of processing life’s events, our own perspectives of their occurrence and what they mean to our lives. This piece is about mine.
In what area of my life do I need to deliberately remember to rest in the Lord?
So, revisiting ‘Week Eight’. This was a week where I found myself on bed rest. It was one of those times where the best laid plans, hopes and dreams were laid at the Lord’s feet because they were completely out of our control. The simple answer to this question is that, in Week Eight, I was needing to find rest in the Lord when it comes to my body and my health. I was not at a place to be able to write about this at the time – our family were largely unaware as the pregnancy was not yet announced and we had too many unknowns to be able to articulate where life might be taking us.
Pre-existing anaemia, kidney infection and pregnancy are
not the most favourable combination in the game of health bingo.
What chance does any person really have at winning at a game when those are the tokens called that are randomly placed on your game board? We didn’t know, medical professionals didn’t know either and only time would tell how this story would unfold. It is a journey that simultaneously felt like forever and no time at all.
Bed rest. Bed rest sucks. It is not fun. It is an almost impossible task for a person like me who has a filter that sees all that needs to or should be done. It drives you around the bend seeing the housework but knowing you are not meant to be doing it. The best deterrent from scrubbing the house to perfection, just to combat boredom, was pain relief that made me drowsy. Then, instead, I slept, exempted from being productive. This was a reprieve I needed to allow myself because, even from bed, productivity was limited anyway when it would take me up to 30 minutes to sit up in such a way that avoided dizzy spells and momentarily blacking out in simply trying.
Suffice to say, I am not someone who naturally rests at all so when put in a position that it is forced on me I need to be able to trust that it is purposeful, has meaning, even when it feels like it is not. This is, in essence, the spiritual aspect of this situation.
How do you find rest when your brain is in the turmoil of the unknown?
As someone who likes to plan it is hard to not know what the future holds. It was easy, particularly with the medications on hand to slip into the spiral of all-consuming thoughts but this is where the challenge of the question for this week came in such a timely way. It was a reminder that I had a God who I could trust, someone who knew exactly where I was at even when I could not find the words to articulate it for myself and that in Him I could find rest. It was the place to be when I was needing to be brave and strong and yet was broken in my circumstances at the same time.
This knowledge brought an all-consuming peace, one that allowed me to sleep or rest without guilt.
It was a peace that allowed me to trust that all the things that I could not manage that I had to drop out of my life would be able to be picked up in some form in the future and that it was not a worry for today. That, all I needed to concern myself with was the now, not even the whole day was my worry, only this moment. I am glad that I could take this thought and carry it with me because I would need it again, and also to be reminded of it by valued friends, as circumstances evolved.
Finding rest. I needed to find it in my heart, my mind, my spirit and my physical being. I needed to find rest in the Lord in the circumstances in which we found ourselves. A place where God’s plans and our plans were at odds and we were lost as to where the journey would take us next.
Next on this theme: ‘Finding Acceptance – Part Two’.
Missed this series up until now? Read from the start with “Out of Control“.